Forever the Name on my Lips
by Miles Above My Head
Summary: "You told me you loved me so why did you go away?"
1. Prologue: NeverImaginedWe'dEndLikeThis

She had been afraid to admit she liked him, after having bad experiences with heartbreak.

She had been afraid to kiss him, having lost much of her trust to past lovers.

She had been afraid to love him, after hurting the ones she'd loved most.

She had been afraid to marry him, knowing nothing good she had ever lasted.

She had been afraid to let her guard down, gaining trust back piece by piece.

She watched it shatter before her eyes, knowing love had clouded the voice in her head that knew something would go wrong.

More than anything, she despised that clueless bubble of hope in her heart whispering that she could be wrong.

Because her brain new she wasn't.


	2. Chapter 1:HowtobeSomethingYouMiss

**My chapters have been insanely short lately, sorry as I said i have lots going on. :p  
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><p>Natara silently picked up the home phone and heard two voices talking hurriedly, as she knew she would. One she recognized immediately because she was married to it's owner.<p>

"I can't just keep leaving. It's looking suspicious."

"Come on, Mal!" came a high-pitched voice on the other end of the phone. "Just say you have a business trip or something! I miss you. It'll be the last time. I promise."

He lowered his voice drastically and replied, "Fine. I-I miss you too but I think she's suspicious. I'll think of some excuse but…"

"I'll be at the motel. _Hurry_."

The line went dead and Natara replaced the phone in the receiver as Mal came into the bedroom.

"Hey, I…" He eyed the phone next to her and narrowed his eyes slightly. "I have to go away a couple of days because…"

"It's fine, I'll be okay," She smiled to lower his suspicious and he visibly relaxed a bit. "Do what you have to do."

She stood on her tiptoes and put her arms around his neck. "Come home soon honey. I _love_ you," she kissed him for a long moment.

He hesitated uncomfortably for a second before throwing a few things into his suitcase and walking out. The door slammed shut behind him.

"I love you," she whispered into the ringing silence. "Oh Mal." Tears spilled over. "Oh Mal."


	3. Chapter 2: HopeIt'sNiceWhereYouAre

**Aw man, you're all gonna hate me. Throughout this whole story and especially at the end, you're all going to HATE me, I swear. I'm so sorry. But love isn't always all kisses and chocolate and roses. This story is supposed to show how much Natara can still love and respect him even though he's a total asshole. Sorry, I think I should change the rating to M to be safe, don't you? ;p Idk I just don't want it to be too low... Anyway I'm so so sorry for the depressyness of this story but I felt someone had to write something a bit different... SORRY:( Don't hate me too much.**

Mal stumbled through the apartment door, still unsteady on his feet. Natara bolted off the couch, forgetting to pull her sleeves down, and ran over to him.

"Mal, you know I feel about…"

He grabbed her wrists roughly and slurred, "What is this?"

"I just…Mal it's nothing. C'mon let's get you to bed honey…"

"Goddamn you; leave me alone! What are those marks?" Mall yelled drunkenly.

"I…Mal…" Natara backed away but he yanked her back by the wrists.

"You'd dare to cut yourself?" He yelled, causing tears to stream down her face freely. "Because I'm such a horrible husband? I'll bet you cheat on me every time I go away you slut!"

"Mal please stop. You-you don't k-know what you're…" She was cut off by a punch received by her right ear and gasped.

"Shut up!" He bellowed. "Shut up right now or I-I'll…"

"Mal stop!" she screamed. "Stop, you're drunk you idiot! Now go to bed right _now_!"

Mal stumbled away without another word and Natara collapsed back onto the couch, her ear throbbing.

"I'll always forgive you," she whispered in response to a loud smashing coming from the bedroom. "Always."

She sat and listened to her husband tripping and knocking things over until she heard the groan of the bedsprings indicating he'd passed out.

Natara walked down the hall into the room and saw him slumped on the bed, mouth hanging open. After a glance at the broken objects scattered around the room, she planted a small kiss on his forehead and pulled a blanket over him. "Always."


	4. Chapter3:NeverDreamedYou'dChangeYourMind

**Hey, I swear the next chapter is WAY longer and again, apologize for the insane shortness of these chapters. :p so anyway i had ANOTHER story idea. ;) and i'm working on it, and it's looking like a winner, but then again this one seemed like it'd be a winner too and well, i just didn't like how it turned out really. but anyway i'm gonna work REALLY hard on this next one, i swear! and as for Green Eyes, the Remember Me? Remix, and any other unfinished stories, sorry guys i'm just really stuck on how to continue them. i'll get one sentence down for it and then just draw a complete blank. i hope to finish those soon though!**

**so honestly, math class and english class...they're like the best. i write in them constantly. that's where like all my fanfics have been planned out and begun. but not so much english class because i really happen to love english (which no one seems to understand since they all hate it...) lol but i really love english. we're reading To Kill A Mockingbird and it's really good! except i keep calling it To Kill A Mockingjay and don't even realize it until someone points it out (shoutout to my hunger games fans XDD) hahah, so look out for my next fanfic. i can't decide what to call it. i'm deciding between For The One You Love and I Can Be Your Hero. so it'll be one of those :) and i have a bunch of other titles all planned out for stories i haven't even begun to think of yet bahaha i just love the titles.**

**For The One You Love, I Can Be Your Hero, Never Look Back, Always Be Mine, Just Wanna Hold You**

**__So all those titles have been claimed ;) lmaooo okay, read on and if anyone is actually still reading this awkwardly long intro, i love you for your reviews(: they make me smile sooo much:D and i'm sorry for how depressing this story is but someone had to do it ;) the next one will be WAAAAYYY happier :D enjoy!**

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><p>She was rinsing off the knife and drying it when he came into the kitchen.<p>

"How…how did I get back here? Oh God, Natara, what...?" Mal swayed on his feet and watched the blood swirl down the drain.

Her stomach clenched as she replied, "H-how're you feeling? I have to get to work but you-"

"What'd I say? Why're you so upset with me?" He scrutinized her questioningly. "Nat?"

Images flashed through her mind. Mal leaving every weekend. Mal kissing her goodbye. Telling her that he loved her. Promising they'd live happily ever after. Saying she was his one true love.

It was all a lie.

More memories.. Hearing him on the phone with a different high-pitched voice every week. Packing his suitcase soon after. The thousand excuses for leaving. Wondering why she wasn't good enough. Always, _always_ wondering why she wasn't enough for him.

Always forgiving him.

How many times had she wanted to tell him she knew? How could she? Sandra had cheated on him just like this. To embarrass him like that…

"I just…you came home last night and said your trip was cancelled. It…its nothing," she heard herself saying. "Nothing important."

Natara left then, leaving Mal, still unsteady, in the kitchen unsure of what to do. Eventually he came to his senses and called Ken.

"Hey, I need help. We have to talk. Meet me at my place, right away."


	5. Chapter 4: YouWishYouHadStayed

**Aaaaah so here's chapter four! It's a bit longer than the rest, THANK GOD. Lol so you're all going to kill me, and scream, and cry, and start yelling "WHYYYY?" at the top of your lungs. just warning you. ;) dundundunnnnn.. by the way i'm working on a new story! :D it's called For The One You Love :) I may have mentioned it in the previous intro, idk. but i have a chapter posted and chapter two is all written! hurray! anyway, wish me luck on my midterms this week -_- won't be able to post much... ;b ew. kk read on, enjoy, and PLEAAASE review:D**

He took a deep breath and looked up at Ken, who was studying him from across the table.

"Okay…I…I did something bad and I don't know how to fix it."

Ken frowned, "What do you mean?"

Mal's voice shook as he replied, "I…every weekend for…a while now…I've been going away."

"You've been cheating." Ken put his head down and groaned when there came no denial. "Mal why?"

"I don't know I just…I can't explain it. I was…lonely," Mal cringed at Ken's pitying frown. "They didn't…they meant nothing to me, Ken. I love her and I regret everything. What am I supposed to do?"

"Mal," Ken sighed. "If you really loved her like you say, you wouldn't have done it. I personally think the best thing to do now would be to just tell her the truth."

"The _truth_?" Mal said exasperated. "Ken I'm begging you for advice here and all you can say is 'tell the truth'?"

"Look man," Ken stood up and walked to the door. "All I'm saying is that if you really loved her, you'd do anything to fix this. So believe me, the truth is your only shot."

Mal sighed as the door slammed shut.  
>"My only shot? Fine, Ken, fine," he whispered. "Fine."<p>

**(... kk read on!)**

Several hours later, Natara strolled in, exhausted after her long day at work. Mal sat at the kitchen table, a hot meal set in front of him and an empty chair.

"Mal what is there? You can't cook…" she laughed.

"I know, but I tried because we really need to talk," Mal answered seriously. "What was the last excuse I gave for leaving?"

Natara took a deep breath. "Oh.., I don't remember. There were…"

"…so many?" he finished. "I know. Didn't you ever have the slightest doubt or suspicion?"

Natara bit her lip. She knew where this was headed but saying it out loud, it'd make it all too real. More real than her knife ever had. Why couldn't she just lie? "No because I trust you." It _was_ a lie. She'd lost that trust months ago. So why not the truth? Was it really better for her to admit she knew than have him confirm it himself? She still loved him. That she knew.

"No, I…" she hesitated. "I…already knew."

Mal's eyes closed and his breath came out in a huff.

"How long?"

How long _had_ it been? Three months? Four? She was such a fool.

"All along I suppose."

"I'm gonna fix this Nat," he opened his eyes and took her hands. "I'm gonna fix it."

She still loved him so why was her head shaking back and forth as tears streamed down her face? Hadn't she been waiting for this? For him to say it'd all be okay? No, life didn't have happy endings. Not hers anyway.

"Mal, you can't," she whispered to those deep blue eyes she'd fallen for so long ago. "You can't anymore. You can't."

Mal hung his head, fears confirmed, "I understand."

"Wait!" she grabbed his arm as he started for the door and he spun around hopefully. "Mal…one last kiss?"

"…One last kiss."

**BRB I'M DYING. DROWNED IN MY TEARS. WHY MALTARA, WHY?... it gets worse too. stay tuned for the epilogue. :(**


	6. Epilogue:NeverThoughtWe'dHaveALastKiss

It's been two years since their official, legal separation. Five days exactly since she stopped his attempted suicide.  
>Three days since he succeeded.<p>

Natara looked down at his body lying perfectly still in the gray coffin. She half expected him to jerk awake and start apologizing endlessly as he had so many times. He'd come to her door at least once a month for two years, apologizing.

She felt an arm around her waist pulling her away gently and smiled sadly at her husband as he wiped a tear from her cheek.

"He's okay now," Tyler whispered. "No more pain."

"No more pain," Natara repeated numbly as they walked back to their seats. Her 1 year old boy pulled himself into his mom's lap and said one word to her.

"Always."

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><p><strong>Sorry, feel free to hate me for the rest of eternity and scream and cry and try to kill me, I understand. :) I'd like to cry right now too. So if you aren't crying yet, here comes the kicker. I was on the bus yesterday on my way to school and the radio was on. Perfect lyrics for this?<strong>

"You make it hard to stay faithful...with the lips of an angel."

**Like honestly if you aren't completely sobbing right now you have no heart, and I'll hate you forever if you don't review. JK (: I love you all so much no matter what! One last message if you're still reading this...**

**Suicide hurts. Not just whoever commits it, but the people they leave behind. Cutting hurts too. Believe me, I've thought of both and I KNOW how appealing they can seem. Just please, please, PLEASE stay strong. Draw butterflies on your wrists and if you cut them, they die. Don't kill those butterflies. Name them after people you love. DON'T KILL THEM. DON'T CUT. Trust me, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW how bad life can seem. I just went through the worst week of my life and it never seems to end, but suicide is NOT the way out. You have to stay strong and when you think no one loves or appreciates or believes in you, remember that I DO and someone else does too. I know it. You are all too amazing to NOT be loved and appreciated by everyone that has ever met you. You're going to make a difference in the world, each and every one of you, and you'll never get the chance if you don't live to do it. Please stay strong. One day, everything will all make sense and you'll feel so much better knowing you survived the rain and got to the rainbow. (: love youu!**


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